A Self-Evaluation

December 19, 2008
Estimated reading time:
3 minutes

I've been struggling with this blog recently, wondering what to write about and why I'm bothering with it in the first place. I asked someone for some advice, and for some feedback on what I'd already written. His answer:

You're writing about stuff that 1) You have no actual experience in 2) Is mostly just a regurgitation of other people who do what they're talking about's work.

That's a recipe for a blog that no one is going to read and will never challenge you. So first, you should understand that the only thing you're allowed to speak authoritatively about is your personal journey and life.

The reason you're having trouble is because you're forcing it. It's never going to happen - or if it does, it will have nothing to do with you and completely to do with luck. It's sort of like you're driving around until someone gives you directions when the smart move would be to hang at your house and not leave until you get them. At least then you could be productive while you wait.

He's completely right. Why am I writing about marketing? I've never been a marketer, I've never even had a proper job. Half of my blog posts consist of block quotes from other people and short comments from me. Why would anyone bother to read my blog if I'm just reposting what I've seen or read elsewhere? My tag cloud to the right has a lot of different tags. Why are two of the biggest tags two other people? Why am I writing about them so much? There should only be two tags at the moment: "life" and "my".

I've been writing about what I thought I should be writing about, and copying what I've seen others do, thinking that by copying their actions, I can copy their success. Of course it's not that's easy.

I touched upon this issue briefly when I wrote about reading The Game again. The reason I got involved in the Community in the first place was that I was looking for answers: external answers to a problem that was all internal. At the time I naively believed that if I was successful with women, I would be a happy person and have a happy life. I kept reading more and more things. I thought that if I just read the "right" ebook or watched the "right" video or whatever, then everything would fall into place.

Thinking about it, I've been doing exactly the same over the past year or so, just in a different context. I've become obsessed with reading blogs and books. This isn't a bad thing in itself, but the problem is that I'm doing exactly what I did when I was 17, except instead of being about women, it's about careers, life and success. I keep looking for that one blog post or inspirational book that really speaks to me and catapults me to success.But it doesn't work like that. Ironically, this quote from The Game sums it up quite well:

In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn’t fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get it.

I've been waiting. When I wrote about the drive to do something, I was sitting in my room, bored, waiting for something to happen. If I really had the drive to do something, I would have got up off my ass and fucking do something. But I didn't.

I need to stand up and put the time and the work in. No more cruising along and thinking that I'm doing things that will make myself successful. That's just masturbation. No more of that. I need to stop these self-delusional thoughts and start working.

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